Post by Loendal on Oct 13, 2009 10:38:04 GMT -5
I'm always thinking.... What's it like? The blowing of the wind, the noise as it goes past, the spot where it'll finally be over. The suffering, the memories, the pain and the misery. It all comes together there.
One minute, I stand on the gallows, a noose around my neck; the next I'm riding away on horseback to someplace far away, all because of some stranger I didn't even know. Oh, they found us, sure enough; not long after, either, and that's when I stepped in it. I abandoned her when she put it all in for me. My contempt, my rage, my anger, my regret, my greed... All of that drove me to do what I did and left her behind. It all stunk something rank when you compared it to what she did for my benefit. It's my fault, and knowing what they do to their prisoners, she's in for torture and abuse of the nastiest kind. Hell, I even took her damn horse! Why? It was faster then mine, that's why. I even busted the legs of my own horse to keep them from following. I saved my own arse, and saw what kinda scum I really was. What used to be my strength, power, and motivation; I could see what they really were: Empty, self-pitying and disgusting... I hid in the trees and watched them beat her, chain her hand and foot and drag her away. I didn't do a thing. She looked for me, I know she did, I saw her eyes had the same look as the elven girl from when I was a child. She had the same fear, because she knew what was coming, and I didn't do a thing to stop it.
So I'm hiding again, though this time in some new land far oversea from where I came from. How could I call it anything less then divine intervention? And so I answered that call; I've gotten away too many times, I've weaseled my way out of a mess too often and just when I'm about to take the short drop, I find out what real power is. So here I am, working for the gods instead of spitting on them. I've saved lives, I've protected lives and I've sacrificed my own well being for somebody else, and yet, the guilt remains. I can't save enough lives or sacrifice myself enough to make up for the one that I lost. I've tried justifying, I've tried amending, I've tried tipping the scales right. Nothing I do is ever enough.... Nothing I do will ever be enough...